Death at a Funeral
by Onimiman
Summary: I figured, what possible ways could Luke Skywalker's funeral be botched by? Here's one. Please read and review.


Author's Note: About the first three paragraphs is basically ascribed to Fettkat's last three lines for Ripples in Still Water: Eulogy. So, yes, this is another story riffing on one of Fettkat's fics.

"...we will move on. As he would have wanted us to. Without him. With only what he's left behind to guide our way. Because he left us hope. We will build on his example. He once rebuilt this Order all on his own. At least we have each other. We will continue to fight for the Light, protecting this galaxy and its people from the Darkness. And we will never, never give up."

For the last time, he glanced around the Great Hall feeling far steadier than when he had begun, at tear-filled eyes of family and friends, students and public figures.

"That is my father's legacy to this galaxy, to us. May the Force be with us all."

And with that, Ben moved off of the podium and went to sit down next to Myri and their teenaged daughter Marie, who were also trying to dry their tears with pieces of tissue paper. Tyrion and Brandon, their now-adult sons, were doing their best to remain relatively stoic and passive in this proceeding, at least to appropriate levels.

Amidst the crowd gathered for the funeral of the legendary and late Luke Skywalker, his successor as Grand Master of the Jedi Order, Saba Sebatyne, stood up from her seat in the back of the Temple's funeral room. By that point, the inverted surface of the large raised golden bowl near the room's exit suddenly lit up with fire. Saba took up the torch that stood behind the bowl, touched the tip of the torch so that it lit up with the fire, and ceremoniously turned to the front of the room to solemnly walk down the aisle where Luke's body lay in its pyre.

As Saba's form reached the pyre, the skylight above her and Luke's body automatically opened up so that the resultant smoke that would come from the cremation of the former Grand Master's corpse would escape out into the skies of Coruscant. Slowly, she lowered the torch down toward Luke's forever-still form.

But before she could do that, Saba's danger sense tingled, and she immediately brought the torch away from Luke's body as a strange, misshapen form crashed on top of the room's corpse, having just fallen from the open skylight. Everyone's moods immediately shifted from grief to that of curiosity and concern as they all strained to see who this figure was.

When the newly-arrived figure pushed himself off of Luke's corpse, everyone groaned upon seeing who it was.

"Everyone miss me, I assume?" Onimi asked in a wry way as he looked out among the crowd.

Ben and Myri shot up from their seats, their faces steaming with anger. "What the hell are you doing here?!" they both shouted simultaneously.

"Hold on, this whole situation will be self-explanatory in... oh, shit!" Onimi exclaimed once he looked out upon Luke's body. He then rolled out of the pyre in Saba's direction, forcing the Barabel to step back as well. Onimi looked out on Luke's corpse as he continued with, "Wow, he's dead now?"

"Of course he's dead, you idiot," Ben blurted out in the crowd. "Didn't you feel his passing in the Force?"

Onimi looked back to Ben. "Was I supposed to?"

Ben gritted his teeth, and all the other Jedi in the room also had evidence upon their faces betraying their anger.

"How could you not feel the passing of Luke Skywalker in the Force?" Saba asked, her voice tense with impatience.

"Well, maybe it's because I was a little preoccupied with-" Onimi tried to explain as another figure that no one expected to see this day landed on top of Luke's corpse, red lightsaber out and lit.

Darth Krayt, leader of the One Sith, swiped his lightsaber down upon Onimi, who had already turned to face him. Onimi ducked beneath the swing and jumped back as Krayt leaped off the pyre and prepared to strike again. But at the same time, Onimi managed to yank the lit torch out of Saba's hands and thrust it into Krayt's face. The leader of the One Sith screamed in pain as he stepped back from the flame, accidentally cutting his lightsaber through the pyre behind him and cutting Luke's body in half by the waist.

Everyone gathered for the funeral gasped in shock at this sudden desecration of their beloved leader's corpse. But regardless, the fight between Onimi and Krayt continued as the former kicked the lightsaber out of the latter's hands before using his free hand to send the leader of the One Sith crashing back on top of the pyre with the Force. Krayt crashed down upon Luke's cleaved corpse before managing to finally swat the torch out of his face.

But once the fire was cleared of his face, the last thing that Krayt saw before everything turned black for him was the blazing red of his own lightsaber blade, impaling him through the nose precisely due to Onimi's use of the Force.

With Darth Krayt, ruler of the One Sith, now dead, Onimi took the lightsaber out of his opponent's face and looked out among the crowd.

"So, yeah, while all of you were mourning your dead leader, I was actually doing something useful for the galaxy as I single-handedly brought down the One Sith and killed their leader," Onimi boasted. "Anyway, have fun with the rest of this snorefest." Then, without turning back to the pyre, he threw the torch back to where it was originally supposed to be set, immolating both Luke's cleaved body parts and Krayt's own otherwise-intact corpse.

And with that, Onimi walked down across the aisle to the end of the funeral room like a boss, and everyone stared in askance at his retreating, arrogant form, almost entirely forgetting for the moment that the bodies of their own leader and that of the leader of the enemy were being cremated.

The End.


End file.
